This is my struggle with social anxiety, and how I became an extrovert – as an introvert – enjoy! Add me on Instagram: GPStephan
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I’m sure a big misconception people have about me is that I’m like this extroverted people-person who shouldn’t have any problem whatsoever socially…and that’s very, very wrong.
In fact, the person you see today is something I’ve worked YEARS on to cultivate and build up to…because I’m not NATURALLY that outgoing, or social, even though it might seem like that on YouTube. Deep down, I’m pretty reserved, I don’t like being the center of attention, I get nervous in big crowds, I suddenly become hyper aware of everything I’m doing, and I’m very much an introvert.
But despite that, I’ve really made an effort not to let that get in the way, slow me down, negatively impact my life, and hinder my ability to otherwise put myself out there…so this is my story, how I was able to overcome it, and my advice for anyone else out there who’s maybe feeling similar to myself.
Here are a few really easy strategies that made it INCREDIBLY easy to make new friends:
The first was straight from the book: how to win friends and influence people, which encouraged you to be inquisitive about the other person – because people LOVE talking about themselves. I loved this strategy, too – because it took all the pressure off of myself, and I could just stand there and let the other person do all of the work.
Or another one was simply just acknowledging the situation for what it is…sometimes I’ll just flat out say “Hey, I’m Graham…I don’t know anyone here, I feel super weird about it, but I figured I’d just introduce myself so I’m not that random dude standing in the corner.” BAM. Everyone’s been there, everyone can relate to that, so they’ll immediately just open up to you because you were honest.
I also realized that people REALLY respect you for fully just embracing yourself, almost no matter how you act. As long as you are unapologetically yourself, people LOVE that – because pretty much everyone, deep down, is afraid of being their true selves…so when they see someone else doing it, it makes them feel incredibly comfortable because there is no “fakeness” or “front” – what you see is what you get. So fully embrace who you are, or any weird things about you – and that’ll work in your favor.
So if you’ve ever felt the same way, or ever felt stuck like you don’t know what to do – just know, it gets better, but you’re going to have to make an effort to improve things. Start saying YES more often, go to local meet ups to things you’re interested in, try reconnecting with old friends, and start doing that regularly…it doesn’t mean that you have to turn into this crazy social person, but it does mean that you can adapt as needed and not let that get in the way of you becoming your best self.
For business or one-on-one real estate investing/real estate agent consulting inquiries, you can reach me at GrahamStephanBusiness@gmail.com
Thanks for sharing that story. I can empathize with those feelings, I am in a similar situation right now. I will have to start going out and start socializing soon as well.
It’s crazy to think that someone else feels the same way, thanks for sharing!
How to get friends 101:
Step1: Buy a sportscar, t
Step 2: Talk about the car with other people owning the same car
Step 3: Sell your car
Step 4: Keep the friends (amazing ROI)
😂😂😂
Step 4: Sell your friends
Step 5: Buy more expensive car
Step 6: Get even more friends
Step 7: Repeat
You may have social anxiety (like me) but at least you were born with the right looks so women are interested in you.
That really makes up for things.
I am highly autistic and cant seem to be able to communicate with girls in the USA so I have been alone all of my life because girls chase guys that look hot to them.
But if you arent considered a 9-10, you need good luck to get a girl.
Sigh… I cant wait to retire in Asia. I miss living there and being wanted. Definitely have to go there to have a family and a good life.
I can relate to this 200%
Don’t let people tell you that you have to go out and pretend to be an extrovert. Stay home, be happy
Graham, I gotta say. There’s so much advice out there, much of it is good, but since I watched your videos I just feel that everything I ever wanted is actually possible, you’re so open and transparent, it’s liberating… And I want to say that I not only appreciate your ideas and advice, but that Instead of passingly consuming it, I will act like a beast on it, and hopefully someday be in your show, keep the amazing work up bro
sooo relatable!!!
This is perfect for me rn because I recently started college and my anxiety is so bad that I’ve been missing days. I want to do more so much more and I’ve also been thinking of getting my real estate license instead of going to college. I’m just so stressed, and don’t know what I’m doing I feel so alone.
Thank you for talking about this. I was diagnosed with high functioning autism about 2 months after getting my real estate license, so I’ve been really struggling with my social interactions. I’m fine with one on one conversations, but I have no idea how to handle large groups of people. Thank you for the advice.
And I’m always here I feel like this always like I’m the only me in world can relate to no one really but fit in everywhere
Do more of these videos!!!😊 Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m in the phase of having to force myself to meet people which is so hard to do when you have to be intentional about it. Thank you!
Hell yea! How To Win Friends And Influence People is a book every shy kid and weirdo should read cuz it will help you in the long term
This isn’t really “social anxiety”. You weren’t sweating and nervous at the thought of being around people. I understand it must have been difficult on you that you didn’t have any friends that you connected with at the time. You were at loss of connections but you were fine around people. You didn’t have an excessive fear of judgment whenever you were around people.
I wanna hang out with this guy.
Oh man…same here. Great video man.
People need to get over their social anxiety because I love talking to people randomly in public and no one wants to anymore. *sadface* I enjoy making people feel comfortable in conversations. So yeah if you have social anxiety seek out kind people. We are out there.
Thank you for posting this, Graham. My son does very well vocalizing on his YouTube channel, but in person he is absolutely terrified of people. He has PTSD and an avoidant personality disorder (among countless other diagnoses). He will only go into a grocery store by himself if they have self-checkout. He starts freaking out if he has to interact with a cashier, and he is the same way if he has to speak with a server in a restaurant.
If you’re an introvert, show us your battlestation! 😀
Wait is this like button working, I can only like it once?! This video deserves so many more likes!
Wow thanks for this video man! Been having a rough couple of days because of my social anxiety and this vid popped up and made me feel way better.
Dude you changed my life. You made my life much better.
Quirks and features. Haha, Doug has become an internet meme!
Dude I 100% get the struggle. Entrepreneurship in general can be pretty lonely
Thank you
my most favourite mideo of yours 🙂 totally appreciate it!
You give great advice about making money starting young , but what about if you’ve already wasted most of your life and your now 41 and working 50 to 60 hours a week and still having to live paycheck to paycheck. At 18 I had $497,000 but young and dumb. Is there still hope. I save all I can ,I invest all my spare money ,and only spend on what I really need aka food and bills. Key word bills there what’s killing me. Any advice whould be great. Can tell your a very smart person. Thanks.
Same boat here. I dont even like my own birthday party, that’s how bad it is
You are a huge help for me… I’ve been in this country for 4 years had to learn everything from scratch starting with the language. You have taught me how finances work in this country and now you are helping to overcome the social anxiety that I face when trying to socialize in English. I feel really bad because I don’t have a group of friends I can relate to or have the same interests than me. You gave me hope!!! Thank you so much for all you do. You are an extraordinary human being.
This really shows how we really do think that the grass is always greener.
Like many others I chose not to grow up at that critical point after highschool and I’m still paying for it. At least you were working my dude and building your life the people who put that off have alot more to be anxious about
Why can’t I smash the like button multiple times….
Found it! Battling it right now. The fact that you can train yourself to not be the guy in the corner watching the social interaction, is awesome. Idk why YT didnt let me know you posted this, a common theme in my search pertains to social anxiety. Thanks Graham
I used to have friends but then Netflix removed them 🙁
I have a weird situation in socializing with other people. Being a freshman in college, I typically have a hard time talking to my peers. Unless someone decides to engage in a conversation with me, I’m typically just a silent individual.
But as a part-time cashier, I love to engage in a conversation with the customers. I always try to find a way to be able to start a conversation with the customer while scanning their merchandise.
I think it’s due to the fact that I won’t be seeing these customers on a daily basis, whilst in college I see my peers daily during the week.
I really appreciate the time you took in talking about this topic Graham!
Can’t relate I started having social anxiety when high school started
So, You Was A Loner In High School ?
Hmm I don’t think u had social anxiety..most people who have social anxiety don’t want to talk to people and rather be alone like myself..you’re just shy
Great video Graham! I really liked this one. I totally experience the same feelings when I am around people. I don’t speak to my coworkers and I don’t like attention on myself. But I don’t have an attitude. I’m just nervous I am going to say the wrong thing because I never fit in and back in college I was too extroverted and offended everybody. Now I feel like no one likes me everywhere I go, for whatever reason. People make me so uncomfortable! But I’m trying to work on it. I’m more focused on just making money though.
what watch are you wearing?
Me, too!
I had major social phobia in my 20s and 30s. I worked hard and now at the age of 50, I feel about 95% comfortable in social settings. Good video to share.
in highschool its difficult to talk to people who have no ambitions
Hey Granham. Just came to watch this video because I am dealing with the exact same situation in my life rn. I am only 20 right now, started to learn about investment about 6 months ago and right now I am in the real estate business. I barely past my year 12 then i went for music college for 2 years with student loan and failing exams. (I am glad that I learnt and stop immediately) What you have said from 2:10 started to touches my heart. I don’t usually comment on video but this one is really different. Thanks a lot for this video🔥🔥
Your jump cuts annoy me. Also that is not social anxiety that is chosing work over friends. Huge difference
I can relate so much to everything said in this video. From being 19 and working only with people 15 to 20 years older than me and feeling unable to make interpersonal connections with them, to the idea of thinking that everyone is paying close attention to what I say or how I portray myself. I will definitely apply some of your tips to my lifestyle and continue to embrace my situation instead of wondering that it would be like to give up the learning opportunities toward my goals just to get rid of the maturity gap between myself and the people who surround me. Thank you so much for being so open and sincere. This video had a lot of meaning and value for me.
I’m the exact same way! You are boss for talking about this. I just subscribed!!
liked this video before Graham even asked for it
Dude…. you literally just described me right now at 17 years old. Thank you so much for making this video
Car meets are excellent for people with social anxiety. Built in conversation topic!
Love that quote from Doug Demuro “Quirks & Features” hahaha.. This really helped. Thanks Graham! 🙂
Have you ever taken a personality test? It’s pretty interesting what you can learn about yourself.
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Ei vittu mitä helvettii siis! Oon niiku seuraillu teitsii ja ny äijä kertoo että on samanlaisii sekoilui ku meikäl. Vähä jännä sillee.
Awesome tips and thanks for sharing. I know, well at least for me, how hard it is at times to be vulnerable so thanks!
Again, another VERY relatable video. Great job! Thanks for the upload 🙂
SAME DUDE, I don’t know what it is but I find this one is not really common at all. But yah this one truly sucks to have.
OMG thins is like the story of my life!!!
i hate how people will assume whenever they are nervous, its because they have the mental illness called social anxiety. no you dont, you have no idea how crippling the mental illness really it is.
if your nervous before the exam you dont have a mental illness, if you feel uncomfortable around a large group of people, your not mentally ill, if you havent built your confidence yet, your not mentally ill.
This video was a quick cash grab that disrespected all the people actually suffering from the things he claims he went through. sure the kid who had his hand held and taught how to get rich from an already rich mentor who probably lended him money. yeah so much mental illness he overcame
I’ve watched a few of your videos and I’ve found your cheapness hilarious(part of why I keep watching), but this is the first time I’ve smashed the like button. Thanks for speaking out about social anxiety.
I experienced this in college bc most kids just go and all they work towards is their degree that’s it. I had two small business and I could not relate to the people that just watched Netflix in their dorm.
Thanks for your videos. I like them alot
Thats what strip clubs are for
This is just for the algorithm. Well said
i like that30 minute idea, that makes things a lot less daunting
Great video!
Boy, good thing you bought a Lotus Ellis and could afford it. Just joking I think I understand you..
This made me think a bit since I am basically only waking up for work… And thats about it. Maybe I can get out into other things.
If I’m going to hang out with friends, I prefer to spend quality time with one friend, maybe two or three max, rather than be in large groups of people. Social situations like parties, weddings, bars, sporting events, etc., are more stressful to me than work and I need time alone to recover from them afterwards.
Yes!
I realize that cultivate is one of your favorite words, but please don’t use it in relation to human beings. They can not be cultivated.
Wow, I’m surprised, & encouraged that this can be achieved. Thank you so much!
Aww I love you Graham /-
Thanks for opening up about this, Graham! Excellent video, as usual!
I’m a total introvert who’s about to start an internship at a real estate agency, and this helped me a lot. I was worried about trying to be perfect and form into a shape I’m not, and you saying I don’t need to do that helps me realize that I should just go in as myself.☺️
Dude graham stephen I wish i can talk to you on phone cause your my fav youtuber and i also deal with social anxiety I always feel like I sound stupid infront of people lol its hard cause I have friends I wish everybody can just help eachother with feelings
Thank you for sharing this . I’m still going through this after 4 years and can’t find the way out
Have You Tried Meditating ?
I talk to people all day long at work. & still get nervous about asking for ketchup at McDonalds lol.
Do You Overthink A Lot ?
I had the same problem for my entire first 2 years of high school. Thank you for making this video. I am also into real estate and other things. Glad to know I can relate. Social anxiety is so evil.
I’ve never really been a social person. I can have fun with people and do fine in conversation, but I’m just not that social. I don’t have any really close friends, like I’ve never experienced friendship like they talk about in stories, like where you can trust each other with anything.
Thanks so much for sharing this. Like you say it never goes but there isn’t any shame in being introverted or socially anxious. The more we talk the better as we don’t feel that shame of being alone. For me I pushed my self and taught media in a prison. That was insanely hard. Even one of the prisoners said to me “you don’t really like talking to people” in the end before I left I learnt to laugh about thinks and not be overly sensitive
Long time viewer, just happy to see that video while i’m in my 3rd month working from home. ……… but still a great video. Will do, if we ever get out
I have my husband but other than that I do not socialize with people at all. I was definitely in the boat for the longest time of where my peers are not on the same level as I am and ended up dropping all of them and they never even made the effort in the first place so it’s not like anything was lost.
I wish I had a clone of myself I can talk to.
This was perfect for me! I’m an extrovert but I’m rly socially awkard and the 2nd strategy u talked about sounds PERFECT for me to use!
IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU CAN HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY AND BE SUCCESSFUL.
GRAHAM I WOULD TOTALLY BE YOUR FRIEND! 🤗
Where can I find these meet-ups ? Thx
Graham is a magician 🙂
So relatable
Graham are you man with a plan ?
Trying to get side gig when the heat subsides, while looking for a diver.
I’m introvert but I can switch extrovert on.
I’m a simple man. I hear a Doug DeMuro reference, I smash the ever-living hell out of the like button
Graham you’re a boss
Go graham
This was an awesome video. I can relate to this a lot. I hope you do more like this.
I’ve struggled a lot with social anxiety over the years too so I completely relate. Except I disagree with the high school thing. I would barely talk to people in high school but now that I’m out I find I have to do more things by myself so it’s gotten my confidence up more than in high school where my parents did everything for me
Thank you!
Fun fact: You can still be productive and also get sauced at parties
I only feel socially awkward when everybody talks about things I mostly have no interest in.
How do you adjust to being alone and having absolutely no friends?